Turn of Faith
Chapter 1
by Claudia Martins, published on April 16, 2002
Gerde watched him patiently, as he stirred the coffee in his cup, absentmindedly. He'd been doing that for at last 10 minutes. If nothing else hinted it, that motionlessness was proof enough that something was very wrong. A while back, Gabriel would be incapable of sitting doing nothing for such a long time. Now, he was there only in body. His mind was flying very far from Schloss Ritter.
' Gabriel?', Gerde called, slowly, 'Are you all right?'
He looked up, as if he hadn't noticed her presence till she spoke.
'Yeah, just peachy', he said, with a grin.
'Come on, Gabriel. Talking would help, you know?', Gerde reached out and tapped his hand.
'Maybe... ', Gabriel left the untouched coffee on the table and walked to the window. 'Talking isn't easy when there's nothing to talk about.'
'But it's been almost three months. You've apologized, you've tried to find her... There's nothing else you can do to make it up... You can't turn back time!'
Gabriel turned his back to the window and sat on the sill. 'No, I can't... Guess God never thought a Schattenjäger would need that particular power. But I can't just sit here and wait! It's driving me insane!'
Gerde walked over to him and rested her hands in his shoulders. 'Yes, I know. But you have to. You have to be patient... She's hurt, probably as confused as you are...'
'But only if she would talk to me! That day... I came back to her... There was so much I wanted to tell her. If only she'd waited a few minutes more...', Gabriel rubbed his eyes tiredly.
Gerde nodded, her blue eyes filled with compassion. 'But she didn't. It was just a few minutes too many. She waited too long for you, Gabe. And you never knew. '
'No, I didn't know. I guess I didn't want to know. ' Gabriel turned around and punched the cupboard with controlled anger. 'Why did that have to happen? God, why did I have to loose control?'
'Gabriel, what on earth do you mean? You two are consenting adults. It wouldn't have happened if you both weren't willing.'
The grin in his face spoke loudly of frustration and sadness.
'Not when you aren't sure if you're awake...'
Gerde frowned. 'I'm afraid I don't follow you...'
He sat back in front of her, the back of the chair between his long legs. 'What do you do when you wake up in the middle of a dream and discover it's not a dream at all? And then your head is telling you to back away but you simply can't 'cause you want it so very much that you keep on telling yourself it could be a dream... That it has to be a dream, 'cause you've been dreaming of it for so long and it felt just like that...?', Gabriel lost his breath and clenched his teeth. And he went on, his voice hoarse, 'And in the morning you just don't have the balls to live up to what you've done... And you see how much you've hurt her but there's nothing you can do.'
'And the when you finally find the words it's simply too late...', something in Gerde's voice made him look up. Her eyes were filled with tears and he wondered if his words had somehow struck a chord in her heart. Had something been left unsaid between Gerde and Wolfgang? He decided not to ask, but nodded in agreement. 'Yeah, that's about it.'
The older woman got up and ran her fingers through his hair. 'It will be alright. Everything will be alright. Just give it time.'
Her stomach was threatening to relocate itself on to her throat... again. It had been a familiar occurrence over the past few weeks. And for more reasons than one. But she’d rather not think about it. Maybe the feeling would go away, if she ignored it. Maybe she could go back to her perfectly organized life, before she met him. Yeah, right. Dream on! Reality was just as imposing as the old castle in front of her. The sunset gave it a very romantic touch, but it was just scaring the hell out of her. She couldn't bring herself to get out of the car and knock at the front door. Well, she did have the key... But it was HIS house! She had no right to go barging in... She might find him in a compromising situation or... Whatever! That was another little something she didn't want to think about.
Taking a deep breath, Grace opened the car door and got out. She had never run away from what scared her and she certainly didn't plan to start now. Not because of him anyway!
Grace never really understood how on earth she managed to get to the front door. Her knees felt like jelly inside but still her pride held her up and took her to her destination. As if she would ever allow herself to crumble and fall at his feet.
Sighing, Gabriel let himself fall on the couch. It had been another grey, empty, lonely day... Filled only by the sound of his typewriter. He had given up on the computer. It was too silent. Not that he was writing anything at all but at least the loud sound of the typewriter muffled the voices in his head... the ones that called him a louse and a coward.
Gabriel closed his eyes, his hand resting over them, tiredness washing over him like a blanket. If only he could turn back time... If only he could change things... But that didn't come with his so-called powers.
He heard the knock on the door. He didn't get up from the couch. Gerde would get it anyway. But there it was again... Where the hell was Gerde? Maybe she had locked herself out? Sighing he got up and dragged himself to the door.
Grace was just lifting her hand to grab hold of the door knocker again when the door fled open and Gabriel appeared. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she could swear he had grown very pale when he'd seen her. God, no! If he had someone there she would just turn around and run!
'Gracie...?', he asked slowly, as if he didn't know if she was real or not.
'Hi, Gabriel.', she was having a hard time facing him. His eyes were already asking her the questions she did not want to answer.
Gabriel had no clue of what to do next. He kept holding on to the door handle, feeling he would fall on his rear if he let go of it. He couldn't believe she was simply there, right in front of him, after running around half the world trying to find her.
Last update: October 24, 2007
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