Turn of Faith
Chapter 2
by Claudia Martins, published on April 17, 2002
'May I come in?', she asked, frowning at his motionlessness.
'God, sure!', he moved hastily to let her in, tripping over the carpet on the process and nearly falling down the steps that led inside. God, he was acting like a dork! 'Where are your bags?', he asked, as he tried to untangle his feet from the carpet.
She turned around to face him. 'I'm... not staying. I just came here to tell you... and Gerde... I was back in Germany.', Grace wished her voice hadn't trembled as much as it had sounded.
Gabriel stood there, his hands on his hips, not knowing what to think. What on Earth did she mean? 'You're in Germany, but you won't stay here? Is that what you're saying?'
'Yes, it is. This is your house and I have no right to impose.'
'MY house?', he shook his head, as if trying to organize his ideas. Then he took a deep breath. 'Ok, first things first. Are you ok? I've been to India, you know... I finally realized where you were... I was told you were in some kind of retreat...'
'I'm fine', she nodded. 'And yes, I wanted to be by myself for a while. They told me you had come by.'
Gabriel stared her right in the eyes. 'I wondered if you just didn't want to see me...'
I didn't, the unspoken words choked her and she wondered where that conversation would lead. Why on Earth had she come here? She couldn't tell him! She couldn't!
Gerde walked in the room, after witnessing their meeting from behind the kitchen door. She had seen Grace walk up the driveway and decided not to answer the door. But things were getting pretty difficult. Grace had walked all the way to the end of the sofa, as if its length would protect her from his proximity. And somehow Gabriel seemed to feel the distance was comfortable.
'Grace!', the blonde woman walked over to her and hugged her, as she threw a glance at Gabriel that said, This was what you should have done in the first place, you jerk!
The forlorn look on his face as he beheld the women's embrace said he had got the message. 'She's not staying, Gerde.', he said, sadly.
She rolled her eyes and held Grace's hand in her own. 'Of course she is! What on Heaven's name are you talking about? You've just come home, dear. Of course you'll to stay! And I won't take no for an answer!'
Grace felt grateful for Gerde's cheerfulness and suddenly understood how much she had missed her. She had become a friend, the girl friend she had never really had. That coldness in her heart had faded away a bit and she realized she wanted to stay. And deep inside her heart she knew it wasn't just because of Gerde. No matter how wrong things had turned out with Gabriel the bond between them was there, as strong as ever, stronger than ever, no matter how much each of them fought to escape it. And she was tired... So tired of denying it. She just wanted to rest. So she gave in.
Dinner was hell. Nothing went down his throat. Grace had ignored him utterly. She didn't even look at him, for Christ's Sake! She and Gerde kept talking and talking and talking as if the least interruption would give him the chance of saying a word. So he had watched her, reveling in the sweet scent of her perfume, in the reassuring tranquility of her presence. But though everything about her was just as he remembered, there was something that had definitely changed.
Gabriel lay in his bed, in the dark, unable to sleep. His heart was just beating too damn fast. He had thought that the moment she returned everything would be easier. But now, the fact that she was sleeping in the next room, so close to him, just drove him insane. The memories of that night haunted him all the more now... His body was aching for her. And his mind was like a roller coaster. Why was she back, if she wouldn't even talk to him? What was the point?
There was so much he needed to tell her, so many things that he would just burst if he wouldn't speak up. But how could he? He had no right... Not after the way he had treated her. How could he tell her he needed her, that he missed her... And, yes! That he loved her! Not the way he had loved Malia... Oh Christ that was nothing compared to his feelings right now! Grace was like air for him to breathe, she was in his blood... There was a bond so tight, so unbreakable... And he had missed it completely. So he just couldn't... It wasn't so much about her forgiving him... It was more about him forgiving himself. He had done lots of crappy things to people that he should cherish, but Grace... Grace was his angel. Walking out on her was probably the proof that he wasn't good enough for her.
Sleep finally came but didn't bring him peace. Instead it brought the dream. A strange dream, even for someone who was used to VERY strange dreams. Strange, even if there was no fear, no despair, no sensation of doom. He had dreamt about that a few times before, ever since he'd return to Schloss Ritter. In it he and Grace were standing outside the castle, holding hands, while they watched children play on the lawn. A boy and a girl. Instinctively he knew their names: Jason and Miriam. But he didn't know them... He had never seen them before... And yet... As the boy looked up at him the green eyes seemed so familiar. And quiet, solemn look upon his face, that made him look so much older... But he couldn't be more than eight. Then he realized he wasn't. He was full grown. A young man in his early twenties, with the same serious and concentrated expression. And Grace and him still watching him from close by. And there was the golden haired girl, Miriam, so different, smiling, lively... And such love between them! It nearly took his breath away... And then someone else, standing in the shadows... A young woman with dark hair and scared eyes. Eyes that didn't know about love, only about fear. And Jason with his arms around her... And then danger... God, so much danger!
Grace woke up, gasping for breath. It had happened again. The dream that haunted her for the past month, since she had first found out. The boy and the two girls. Tears fell down her face for the first time. Schloss Ritter had just been too much for her. Far from it... and him... she could cope with it all. But here... She just felt like fall down and cry.
Last update: October 24, 2007
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