Broken Promises
by Claudia Martins, published on September 2, 2006
A short-story of how things might have turned out just after The Beast Within...
Gabriel laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, a habit he had acquired in the past few weeks. He still felt numb for all that had happened lately and his whole body, his very soul ached, from being stretched and pulled in every direction by the Change.
All he had read before hadn't prepared him for the ordeal he had gone through: changing into a wolf had transformed him from within, not only physically, but mentally. And to this day, even though last night’s full moon had proven he was cured, he felt different. Despite the pain, his body felt more agile, even fitter. His senses were more alert: he felt everything strongly, deeply.
Specially her. Every day he waited, impatiently, for her to come. And when she did, oh what sweet torture it was. All of his body seemed to ignite in flames, with the scent of her perfume, the pure scent of her, the touch of her skin, when she tended to his bruises... her mere presence sent his mind whirling.
‘Grace’, his eyes closed as he whispered her name. He had no idea what had happened those past few weeks. His feelings had taken an incredible turn. During the Ludwig investigation, he had become aware of feelings he had tried to hide inside him. And during the period in which he was... sick, for lack of a better word.... her constant presence by his side had made them grow until they were impossible to ignore.
And now... Now it was driving him insane. He couldn't bare the thought of being away from her and fears and doubts were starting to plague him day and night.
Grace wasn't the most beautiful woman he had ever met, or the most desirable. She was the most infuriating, headstrong one though. And the most intelligent, wittiest, trustworthy, reliable... She was his partner, his angel. But now he knew he wanted her as a woman. The dream he’d had about her kissing Ludwig, and then him, had tormented him ever since. He still could taste that kiss, even though it had happened only in his dreams.
He groaned, out of pure frustration. Why wasn't he able to just say the words when she was around? Why didn't he just take her in his arms? He had always believed she had a crush on him, anyway... But he knew the answer. He couldn't. He didn't deserve her. Specially not after all that happened. After all she had witnessed.
Lately, he had felt a change in the way she dealt with him. She had left his care more and more in charge of Gerde and she seemed to avoid his company. It might be just his overactive imagination but it seemed to him as if it was hard for her even looking him in the eye.
The sound of the door opening interrupted the course of his thoughts and his heart skipped a beat, as Grace entered the room. He watched her through half closed eyes, following her every move, as she laid down the tray she was carrying.
‘Time to wake up, Knight!’ she said, walking up to the bed.
He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair.
‘I'm awake... I didn't get much sleep tonight,’ he said.
She looked at him, frowning.
‘But you didn't... you know...’ she hesitated.
Gabriel sat up, shaking his head.
‘No, the big bad wolf is gone forever,’ he stated. He heard her unconsciously exhale, as if she had been holding her breath. And somehow it made him shiver.
‘What happened then? Are your muscles still giving you trouble?’ she asked, in her usual effective manner, as she pulled back the thick drapes that still hid the sunlight.
He sighed as he got up from the bed.
‘Yeah... But it’s not just that. I guess I'm still sensitive to the full moon... It seems my senses are... I don’t know... more developed or something...’ and then he added, in his thoughts, And the fact that I kept remembering you were sleeping next door wasn't helping either.
‘Well, that’s interesting...’ Grace’s research mode kicked in. ‘We should try to look into that... It could be helpful to further investigations...’
‘Grace, please!’ Gabriel rubbed his eyes, as if he was exhausted. ‘Stop it! I don’t want to talk about... investigating, right now, ok?’
‘Sorry’, she mumbled, apparently resenting him snapping at her.
‘God, Gracie, I'm sorry’, he said, reaching out to grab her hand. ‘I know you mean well, but I guess my head is still messed up. I... I Can't think straight, let alone study these new found... abilities of mine.’
She took her hand away gently, and avoided his eyes.
‘Ok. We'll do it when you’re ready. Anyway, it’s time to take care of you. Gerde had to go out, so I guess it’s up to me to put that damned ointment on you...’
Gabriel felt his stomach somersaulting. Gerde was a trained nurse and had been rubbing his back with some special ointment she had found to relieve the pain on his strained muscles. But the mere thought of Grace touching him was making his blood boil. Still, the thought of asking her not to do it never even crossed his mind.
‘Ok...’ he managed to say, as he took off his shirt and positioned belly down on the floor, as Gerde had instructed him to.
The moment Grace touched him, he had to restrain himself not to turn around and pulled down on the floor with him. How on Earth was he going to survive this without making some stupid mistake that would drive her away forever?
She seemed hesitant, as if she was afraid to touch him. He tried to force himself to believe it was just because she was inexperienced, but he knew better. He felt her hands trembling as she spread the oil on his back and start rubbing it on his shoulders.
Gabriel felt like crying, from the powerful emotions that rushed through him. On one hand, was the feeling of her touch on his bare skin; on the other, was the thought that she may be disgusted by all she had seen and couldn't bare to touch him.
After a while, Gabriel could bare it no longer and broke the heavy silence, his voice still muffled for being face down on the thick carpet.
‘What’s going on?’
Grace seemed startled.
‘Wh...What? What do you mean?’
‘You’re barely touching me. I don’t bite you know?’
‘I was never good at this... Massages, I mean,’ she said, as she got up, hurriedly, as if she couldn't wait to get the hell out of there.
A certain sense of anger filled him and he turned around and got up. None of this was his fault! Why did she seem afraid of him? Why now? She had been there through the worst! Why was she acting like that now that everything was ok?
Duty. Pity. Sacrifice. The answers crawled into his brain, insidiously. Poisonous darts hitting his heart like daggers. That was why she had endured it all. Because it was her duty. She pitied him and for the sake of friendship she must sacrifice.
The mere thought made his stomach turn. She found him disgusting! And why wouldn't she? He couldn't look in the mirror without remembering everything... He still could see his hands slowly transforming into paws, his face turning into that horrid snout.
But it was over. She must see that!
Gabriel walked over to where she was standing, rearranging Gerde’s flasks and bottles on the tray. He had to know if it was true.
‘Grace, I need a favour,’ he slowly said.
She turned to him, and gave a start when she found him so close.
‘What?’ she managed to say, her voice strangled and her eyes once more avoiding his.
Determined to put her to the test, he tilted her chin up with his finger, forcing her to face him and said, ‘Kiss me.’
Grace couldn't believe her ears. At first, she thought she had heard him wrong, that it was only wishful thinking. Feeling him so close wasn't helping her concentration.
‘What did you say?’ she managed to ask.
‘I asked you to kiss me.’
She felt her legs give out under her and she had to hold on to the dresser behind her. His face was so close she could feel his breath caressing her cheeks. God, she knew this massage business wasn't a good idea.
‘Are you crazy?’ her voice was barely audible. ‘I'm...’ she cleared her throat. ‘Why should I kiss you?’
‘Am I so disgusting to you, you Can't even bare the thought of giving me a simple kiss? Do I disgust you, Grace?’
Her eyes shot open and she felt as if he had just punched her in the stomach. For a moment she was unable to speak, and only stared at him, not knowing what to think. She could see the anguish in his eyes. She had seen it before but thought it was because of everything he had been through, and felt so bad for not being able to help him that she barely could look at him straight. Well, that and the fact that she had spent so many nights with him, by his side, sometimes even holding him when the pain was too strong. Her feelings for him were now stronger than ever before! How could he ask that? Didn't he know her?
‘No!’ she finally said. ‘How can you ask something like that?’
He sighed and stepped back, running his fingers through his hair once more.
‘Don’t lie to me, Grace!’
‘I'm not lying! What the hell are you talking about?’
Gabriel turned to her again, his eyes flashing, greener than she had ever known them to be.
‘Then prove it! Kiss me! Prove I don’t make you sick!’
Grace’s temper grew red hot too.
‘I'm not going to kiss you, Knight! I don't have to prove anything. I'm here, ain't I?’
‘I know you, Grace and I know your spirit of self-sacrifice... I don't want your pity!’
‘No, Gabriel, apparently you DON'T know me... at all!’ she picked up the tray and turned her back on him, ready to leave the room. ‘And I'm not going to feed you ego!’
Before she could leave the room, Gabriel walked over and determinedly grabbed her by the arm, making the bottles on the tray wobble dangerously.
‘Please, Grace. I need to know, or I'll go mad!’ he pleaded. ‘Why don't you even look in my eyes anymore? Why did you tremble like that when you were massaging my back? Why do you spend your days in the library and keep making up excuses not to be with me?’
Surprised by the anguish she heard in his voice, Grace looked up at him, and found herself staring directly into his eyes. She couldn't deny any of the things he had just said. It was true, she had been avoiding him. But not because she found him disgusting! Nothing was farther for the truth. But she couldn't tell him! And as she stared into his eyes, trying to figure out what to say, he went on:
‘Do you still find me remotely attractive, Grace? And don’t play dumb with me,’ he said, his hands holding her firmly in place. ‘I know there was some degree of attraction between us. I need to know, Grace... Are you still able to look at me the same way, after all that horror you witnessed? Are you able to look at me without remembering me transforming?’
No! The unspoken words echoed in her head, as she tried to figure out what to say. I Can't look at you the same way, but not because of that. It’s because of the other transformation. The one that took place during those sleepless nights and made you lay your head on my lap and spill your heart out to me! The one that made you tell me things I know you had never shared with anyone, because it was too painful keeping them inside. The one that made me finally admit to myself how much I loved you!
Grace didn't feel the tears streaming down her face until it was too late to stop them. The pressure had been to great and then this had been the last drop. She tried to hide her face from him, but he was still holding her tight, and forced her to look up at him, his own eyes wide in amazement. He had never seen her cry before.
‘Gracie...’ his voice sounded soft and gentle, as if he knew he had gone too far. ‘I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you cry... I was just so desperate.’
‘Why?’ she managed to say, almost inaudibly.
Gabriel’s heart raced, as he realized his whole future, their future, depended on his answer to that simple question. Gently, he wiped her tears away with the back of his hand, the softness of her skin amazing him.
‘Because I couldn't bare the thought of you hating the sight of me. That you were here just because you pitied me. That you were too disgusted to even touch me...’
Grace slowly reached up and caressed his face. He closed his eyes, holding his breath, his senses going wild from the mere touch of her hand.
‘No, Gabriel. I don’t hate the sight of you, or pity you, or am disgusted,’ she said softy, her hand still resting on his cheek. ‘But you did change in my eyes... For the better.’
‘I did?’ he sounded so surprised, she couldn't help a smile. And suddenly her heart filled with so much tenderness for him that she thought it would burst.
Grace rarely acted on impulse, and she did it was normally prompted by something Gabriel did or said. So once more, the story repeated itself and, standing on her toes, she kissed him.
It was just a brief touch on the lips, but it for Gabriel it felt like the providential rope that saved him from drowning. Before she had time to back away, his arms were around her, holding her close to him, so close she was unable to even look up into his eyes.
He took hold of her mouth, demanding and hungry. Knowing for sure her legs wouldn't support her if he let go of her, she pulled her arms up around his neck, as she responded to his fiery kiss with her own passion. She was past the point of no return, wondering if she was heading for a heartache, but she couldn't care less. At least she had now... She held on to him, pressing her body against him, the heat of his naked skin going through her shirt as if she wasn't even wearing it, feeling him on every inch of her body.
Gabriel’s thoughts were too confused to describe. That first touch had felt nothing like he had expected. He was expecting tenderness and he got love. Only then had he realized how dry his heart was and her kiss had been like the first drops of rain before the summer storm. And now he just wanted to drown in the feeling of her.
‘Grace...’ he whispered, his lips still glued to hers. On an impulse, he lifted her of the ground and she gasped, in surprise, as he pulled her legs up around his waist and carried her to the dresser, where he sat her. That way he could look her straight in the eyes and this was the only way he could say all he had bottled up inside.
‘I Can't bear the thought of losing you, Gracie...’ he whispered. ‘I love you too much...’
Grace blinked, still too dazed from the kiss to believe her own ears. But he had said it. She could read it in his eyes and once more the tears flowed down her face. There were too many emotions to handle, and she broke down.
‘Hey, hey, don’t...’ he pulled her into his arms again, her legs still around his waist. He held her tight, trying to caress away the sobs that shook her slender body. Finally, he understood the extent of pressure she had had upon her shoulders. She had been the rock to which both he and Gerde had held on to, through it all, and she had had no one to hold on to. He felt so bad for pushing her over the edge with what it now seemed to him to be a selfish temper tantrum that he felt like crying himself. ‘Don’t cry, Gracie,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I'm sorry I was so selfish... I'm sorry. I'm here for you, Grace, I'll always be.’
‘Promise?’ she said, her sobs finally subsiding, sounding so fragile and childlike his heart melted. He had never really realized how young and lonely she really was, and yet she always managed to be there for him, in every way. Then and there he made a vow to himself, to always give her the best of himself and to be more and better than she had ever expected him to be.
Holding her face in his hands, he said, softly, ‘I promise.’
She tilted her her head sideways, silently watching him, her eyes filled with an emotion he couldn't identify.
‘The day I walked in your bookstore,’ Grace started, slowly and gently. ‘I promised myself I would go back to my previous life in just a few months. I broke that promise. Then I promised myself I wouldn't get involved in your life...’
‘You broke that one too...’ he added, smiling, his fingers still playing with her soft hair.
‘Yes... And then I promised I wouldn't fall in love with you...’ her voice broke as she spoke the words.
He gulped, the true meaning of her words dawning on him and filling his heart with hope.
‘And...?’
‘I couldn't look you in the eyes, or be with you, or kiss you, because in doing so I would have to admit to myself I was unable to keep a single promise...’
His face lit with a smile, the first real, heart-felt smile he had in months.
‘Thank God for that, baby.’
She smiled too,shyly.
‘I love you, Gabe. I always have...’
He closed his eyes and bit his lip, as he heard her say the words. He had known from the moment their lips had touched, but this was conscious, not just a passion-driven impulse. ‘Grace...’ he murmured as he searched for her lips, longing to show her just how much he cared for her. He then broke the kiss and picked her up, ignoring the complaints of his aching muscles, because right now he felt he could conquer the world, and took her to the edge of the bed. He knew he was reaching but he couldn't stop himself. They had lost so much time, hiding, running, shielding away from each other! But though he wanted her more that he had ever wanted anyone, he knew he couldn't push her into anything. He would never be able to deal with not knowing for sure why she had done it. So, he stopped by the bed and put her down, meeting her questioning gaze.
‘I bet this was another promise you made to yourself, and I won’t be the one forcing you to break it. If you do break it, it will be your own doing,’ Gabriel said, teasing her with words as he was teasing her with his lips, trailing kisses down her neck. ‘After all, it has worked out just fine that way so far, hasn't it?’
Laughing, she pushed him and he pulled her with him, making them both fall on the bed. With her laying on top of him, his whole body screaming for her, Gabriel turned serious and traced her features with his fingers.
‘I do love you, baby,’ he said. ‘And I hope from now on you have no more reasons to break your promises.’
She shook her head and smiled, as she whispered in his ear, ‘Actually this was a promise I never bothered to make.’
He stared into her eyes, the dubious meaning of her words slowly sinking in, as his mind was too busy with all the messages from his overactive senses. Then he grinned.
‘You’re some piece of work...’, he said, his voice thick with emotion and desire.
‘Takes one to know one...’ Grace traced the contour of his face with her fingers.
Feeling his own heart almost overflowing with happiness and love for that feisty, amazing young woman, and still dizzy from the turn of events, Gabriel rolled over, taking her with him. And as their lips met again, they felt no more promises were needed.
The End
Last update: October 24, 2007
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