Turn of Faith

Chapter 4

by Claudia Martins, published on April 19, 2002

'Yeah, you heard it right, Gerde!', Gabriel grinned at the surprised look in his housekeeper's face. 'I'll be a dad.'

‘Mein Gott!', tears sprang to her eyes, 'Destiny has the strangest ways of telling us what to do! A baby... Gabriel, these walls have not seen a child in about eighty years! That night... There was a purpose after all!'

'Gerde, I don't want us to see this child merely as the next Schattenjäger! There will be time for that when he grows up... Until it's time, he'll be as normal as he can be.', Gabriel leaned back on the chair, combing his hair back with his hands.

'Yes, I know... I'm sorry if I sounded cold... But Wolfgang expected this all his life. Unfortunately, I was never able to...', Gerde stopped and shook her head, as if trying to dismiss her thoughts. 'Anyway, I'm so very happy for the both of you! And how are things going between you?'

'They aren't. I guess she's pretty freaked out, but you know Grace... She's always hard as a rock on the outside. She won't let me close.', he got up and started pacing the kitchen. 'Gerde, last night I got the distinct idea that she was expecting I would reject the baby or something... I was trying to explain myself and she dropped the bomb. As if she thought it would scare me away!'

'It might have a while back...', Gerde added, slowly.

He stared back at her. 'Maybe it would. But not now. Not with her!'

Gerde got up and walked over to him. 'Gabriel, you love her, don't you?'

'I... Yes, I think I do. Hell, I do! I thought I had loved before, but it was nothing compared to this.', he had never looked so young and lost to Gerde. His eyes were so honest Gerde had no doubt he was sure of his words. 'I need her! That day, back in Rennes-le-Château, I almost broke my neck trying to get to her as fast as I could! After all I saw, all I lived that day... My whole life flashed before my eyes and I understood that she was the only thing that mattered! It was as if I had lived all of that only to meet her, to have her walk into my life... Gerde, I know this sound awful, but I didn't think of my grandmother or of Mosely, or of you, for that matter! Just her!'

Gerde smiled and caressed his cheek. 'I'm so happy for you, Gabriel! You'll see... In time she'll give in. As long as YOU don't give up!'

''Morning', Grace said as she walked in the room. She was pale and there were bags under her eyes. She hadn't slept much.

'Oh, Gracie!', Gerde almost flew in her direction to give her a hug. 'Congratulations, honey! I'm so happy for the both of you.'

'I... I told Gerde. I hope you don't mind.', Gabriel said, shyly.

The young woman shook her head. 'No, I don't mind. It's not like if it's a secret anymore... It wouldn't take you long to figure it out, anyway.', a shy smile lighted Grace's face.

Gerde returned the smile and hugged her again. 'Don't worry. Everything will be all right.', she whispered, before leaving the kitchen.

Gabriel and Grace found themselves alone and neither one felt comfortable.

'Guess it would be stupid of me to ask if you slept well...', he said, trying to break the ice.

'Yeah, it would.', Grace was still having trouble facing him, so she kept her eyes on the floor, as she scraped the wooden floor with the tip of her shoe.

'I have to call Granny. She'll be delirious! She adores you and...', he started.

'She already knows.', Grace's voice was no more than a whisper.

Gabriel frowned. 'She knows? You mean you told her?'

'I had to talk to someone!', she snapped and her eyes finally were off the floor. It didn't take a genius to see the tears on the verge of breaking. Gabriel braced himself to keep from running over and holding her.

'This wasn't easy to deal with... I was alone in a foreign country, with people who, despite their kindness, were complete strangers.', she breathed in deeply and seemed to regain control over herself.

'How did she take it?', he asked cautiously. He was beginning to wonder if his Gran had something to do with Grace's return to Schloss Ritter.

'She was... delirious with the thought of having a great-grandchild. But mostly she was a wonderful friend.', she cleared her throat. 'There was no one else and I was... confused. I certainly couldn't call my parents. And Gerde would...'

Finally gripping the full meaning of what she was saying, Gabriel completed her thoughts, controlled anger making his voice tremble, 'Gerde wouldn't keep it away from me and God forbid I should find out before you pulled yourself together enough to face me as if I was your fucking enemy! Christ!'

'What the hell did you expect me to do?', she yelled, finally letting out her anger. 'Buy a pair of booties and tell you about it over a romantic dinner? Come running into your arms? The hell with you, Gabriel Knight! You didn't even acknowledged what happened between us that night! It was as if it hadn't happened! At least, you could have said you had made a mistake. That I could cope with! It would be just another one in a long list! But you ignored me! What was I supposed to expect?'

He shook his head in dismay.

'You're right, Grace. Everything you said is true! I'm mad enough at myself... If you don't trust me there's no one to blame but myself... And all I can do is apologize. But about that night...'

'That night is over and done with! I rather not talk about it!', Grace sat down and hid her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.

He took a deep breath and went over to her. Crouching next to her chair, he reached out to touch her but then stopped himself. 'Look, Grace, there is still a lot I want to tell you about that night, but I don't want you to get worked up. It won't be good for the baby.'

The surprise was big enough for Grace to look at him. Gabriel wasn't reacting as she had expected, at all. Was he having a responsibility attack? Or was he ill?

'By the way, you should see a doctor... I don't understand much about pregnancies, but this I know... You haven't seen one yet, have you?'

She shook her head. 'No, I haven't. I mean, there was a doctor at the monastery and he said everything was ok, but their resources were slim and I guess I should make some exams...'

'I'll take you.', he stated, seriously. 'I mean, I'll go with you.'

This time, she bursted. 'What's going on? Are you set on being responsible right now?'

Gabriel took a deep breath and answered: 'Maybe the fact that you're carrying my child has something to do with that.'

Grace got up, knocking over the chair on the process. 'Are you afraid I can't take care of your heir? Rest assured, I'll do anything to bring him up to be the total opposite of his father!'

He sprang to his feet again, rubbing his numb thighs. 'Damn it, Grace, I really don't get you! Why on Earth are you being so touchy?'

'Maybe the fact that I feel like the dumb secretary who has been taken for a roll in the hay with her boss and got sacked afterwards has something to do with that!', the words left her lips and she couldn't stop them. Great, now I'm feeding his ego!

But Gabriel seemed to have taken a day off of his usual self to surprise her. 'I'm sorry. I guess you have every right to be touchy. But you will still have to hear what I have to say, sometime. Right now, I'm going to ask Gerde to set up an appointment with a doctor. She probably knows someone. And I am coming with you.', with that he left her alone.

Grace stood staring at the door for a few seconds, before she slowly lifted the chair and sat. There was a turmoil of conflicting emotions within her. She didn't get what was happening around her. This wasn't going according to her plans. She had expected Gabriel to avoid her, to be scared, to go around feeling sorry for himself. And though deep inside she knew there was more to Gabriel than met the eye, she still expected him to act as the irresponsible prick most people thought he was. She had to admit he had changed after he had discovered about being a

Schattenjäger. No matter how difficult it was to face something like that, to know he had a part in the ever-going fight of Good versus Evil, it had seemed to bring Gabriel a sense of purpose. An explanation for all he had felt in his life. But some parts of him were still buried under years of pain and confusion, of feeling he had to stay away from everyone, to chase everyone who loved him away. And that was the part of him Grace was counting on to finally drive him out of her heart. To finally make her decide to go on with her life, away from him.

But he had failed her many times before and this was no exception. She didn't know this Gabriel, a Gabriel that really seemed to be trying hard to please her, to help her... A Gabriel that actually appeared to be genuinely sorry for being a coward.

Now you are Mr. Perfect, she thought. The pain and loneliness of two and half months before was still too fresh in her memory, as was the fear and disbelief of one month before... when she had finally understood what was wrong with her. A prank from Destiny made even crueller because it was more of a blessing than a curse. Being let down by the outside world she could deal with, but from within? It would be so much easier if he acted as she had expected. Then she could just walk away. Why did she have to be so responsible? Why did she have to put him through that last test? Why didn't she just have her baby all by herself?

Feeling suddenly very tired, Grace walked up to her room. She knew the answers to all those questions. She could never just walk away. She had a duty towards this child, to teach him what he really was. Gabriel was the living proof no one could run away from it. And though she was scared, she was also proud of being the mother of the next Schattenjäger. There was a strange irony in the fact that God or whoever had chosen someone who by family tradition was a Buddhist but by personal conviction had to see in order to believe.

And then the real reason. Though it was hard for her to admit it, she loved Gabriel. Deeply.

God, this wasn't happening! When Grace left the doctor's office she wanted to crawl somewhere and just die. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of her young life! And there they were, chatting, like old friends. From all the obstetricians in town, Gerde had to go and find one that knew about the Ritter family history and, worst of all, was sensitive to Gabriel's so called charm. And if that wasn't enough he thought they were married, for God sake! Despite the fact that Gerde had made the appointment for a Miss Nakimura, Dr. Mueller had called her Mrs. Ritter ever since Gabriel introduced himself. And from the smug smile on his face, Gabriel was quite amused by the situation!

After the examination, and of Dr. Mueller diagnosis of a healthy pregnancy, Gabriel had asked all kinds of questions, about the baby and about the things she could, could not, should or should not do. As if she would ever follow his directions! If it wasn't for her he would probably be six feet under! Twice! Or what was worse, howling at the moon to this day...

When Gabriel finally left the good doctor, Grace was still steaming. She could just bite his head off. He certainly had a talent to make her loose her temper!

'What exactly were you trying to pull up there?', she had to control herself not to yell at him.

Gabriel tried to look serious, but this was just too funny. So he had to clear his throat before he could speak with a straight face. 'What are you talking about, Gracie?'

'Why didn't you tell him we weren't married? And don't call me Gracie!', she was furious.

'Well, he never asked! Besides, who cares about what he thinks?'

'I do!'

Gabriel lifted his hands, calling for a truce. 'Ok, ok... Next time I'll explain, Gracie!'

'Next time? No way you're coming again! And I told you not to call me Gracie!', then she saw the smile starting to show on his lips. That bastard was actually having fun making her mad! 'Oh! I give up!', Grace muttered, turning her back on him and walking away.

He had to sprint to catch up with her. 'Come on, lighten up! It's a gorgeous day, you've just found out everything's fine with the two of you... What's the use in being so angry at the world?'

'It's not the world I'm angry at!', she exclaimed.

Gabriel sighed. 'Ok, I get it. Listen, why won't you just let me buy some lunch? Can you just put all this behind you for an hour and simply have lunch with me? You do need to eat.'

Actually, she was hungry. So she nodded and let him lead her to a small restaurant across the street.

After the waiter took their orders, Grace became uncomfortable. There she was, seating across the table from him, nowhere to run. And now what?

'We need to talk, Grace.', it was a statement of a fact, not a question or a request. Surprised by his tone, Grace lifted her eyes from the table, and met his. The deep green in his eyes still disturbed her, like it had from day one. But for some reason she didn't look away. Or pulled back her hand, when he covered it with his. It sent shivers down her back. And she felt she needed his touch.

He was surprised with the fact that she didn't take her hand back, but it encouraged him. Taking a deep breath, he started: 'I know these last months have probably been hell to you... But they haven't been easier for me, despite what you might think.' Grace straightened her back but didn't say a word. Her hand was still in his but he knew one wrong word and she would get up and leave. 'I'm not proud at myself... Actually, I probably am madder at myself than you're mad at me! But that's not the point! The point is I came back, Gracie. That day, I came back and I wanted to tell you all that I hadn't said before. But you weren't there. You were gone... Talk about a wake up call! I even tried to catch up with you at the train station but it was too late! Guess that's my life story... Always getting there one minute too late!'
'Buh-uh, Gabriel Knight! I'm really pitying you right now!', sarcasm was back in her voice, so he clutched her hand before she had a chance of pulling it back.

'Stop that! Listen to me for once in your life!', Gabriel exclaimed. Then he calmed down again and looked around to see if anyone was staring. 'Grace, how much do you remember of that night?'

'More than I'd like to.', she lowered her eyes again, having trouble facing him.

'I mean before we... you know...'

'Yeah, I know!', she shook her head, making her black hair fall over her face. 'Not much... Just waking up to seeing you there next to me and pulling the talisman around my neck... Couldn't figure out why, actually.'

'Right! So now listen...', Gabriel lessened the pressure on her hand and was relieved when she still left it there. Instinctively, he rubbed her palm with his thumb. 'That night, as you might recall I was sleeping on the couch. Suddenly, something woke me. And I saw him... it flying through the window... One of the vampires or whatever they were... I tried to get up but couldn't... Something was holding me down... And I tried warning you but no sound came from my throat.'

The hair on the back of Grace's neck was standing. She didn't remember any of that but somehow there was a familiar note to all of that. He went on, 'It came over to you but kept its eyes on me, as if it was defying me. Then it started touching you and I... God, I fought but couldn't move! It was as if I had a gigantic stone on my chest, keeping me from moving, speaking and even breathing!'

Grace felt his hand getting tighter around hers, to the point of her fingers turning white, but didn't move. She knew he was telling the truth. He had never lied to her... Ever! Maybe sometimes he held back the truth, but he had never lied. So she listened.

Gabriel swallowed hard. It was still difficult to talk about that night, especially about his fear of not being able to save her. 'You can't imagine what it was like... Seeing you there, unprotected, sleeping through it as if you were unconscious... And that thing hovering about you, touching you and... and then suddenly it disappeared... The window was closed... As if it all had been a bad dream... I got off the couch and ran over to you and I...', he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. 'I was so relieved for seeing you were ok, I just wanted to... nestle next to you and take you in my arms and... So I took the talisman and put it around your neck. I could deal with the thought of having them attacking me, but not you... I couldn't go through it again! And then you opened your eyes...', he opened his too and Grace held her breath. Did she want to hear this? Gabriel's voice was hoarse and low, but he went on, gathering all his courage. 'Grace, do you know what it's like, in your dreams, when you can feel and smell and see everything, but there's an absolute silence as if all the world around you has suddenly became quiet... and still, you can hear things in your head, because they're your owns thoughts and not really words... You know?'

She only nodded.

'That's what it felt like, baby. This might sound crazy, but I actually wasn't sure if it was just a dream or not... And I told myself that wasn't happening, that I was dreaming again! And in the morning...'

Precisely then the waiter brought their food and Grace took the opportunity to slid her hand from his. She started to eat, mechanically, not really knowing if what she was putting in her mouth was food or sawdust. Her thoughts were flying miles an hour.

Gabriel leaned back in chair and ran his fingers through his ever disheveled hair. He wasn't going to stop. 'And you know why I wasn't sure it was real or not? Do you, Grace?'. She didn't answer or looked up at him, but this time she wouldn't just get up and run. There was nothing she hated more than a scandal. 'Grace,' he said 'I'm talking to you. Do you know?'

She finally looked up, defiance written in her eyes. 'No.'

He pulled his chair closer to the table and leaned over it, his face suddenly very close to hers. ''Cause I had dreamt about making love to you so many times before. And everything felt just like it had in my dreams.'

Grace didn't say a word. Her fork kept coming back and forth from the plate to her mouth. He had dreamt about being with her before... Right, as if he didn't fantasize about each and every woman! But something wasn't right about that. She always used her irony and sarcasm to keep from getting hurt, but this time it didn't feel right. She actually didn't believe it! She knew that wasn't what he meant.

He waited for her response, but it didn't come. 'You have nothing to say, Grace?'

'Eat your food, it's getting cold.'

She was some piece of work! Surprisingly, he wasn't irritated with her decision of ignoring him. Instead, he had this heartwarming feeling of familiar ground, of coming home to something he knew so well. So he didn't say a word and ate his food. Not another word was said between them until their meals were finished, but both were going through the same thoughts in their heads. Memories of the night that had changed their lives forever.

'When do you plan on telling your parents?', Gabriel said, as they started their drive back to Rittersberg.

Grace sighed. 'I don't know... I've tried my best not to think about it.'

'You will have to tell them soon...'

'I know that, thank you very much!', she snapped.

He frowned, but kept his eyes on the road. 'I'm just saying I wanna be with you when you tell them. You shouldn't go through that alone.'

'Who are you and what did you do to Gabriel Knight?', Grace asked, staring at him, eyes wide open.

He couldn't help but to laugh. 'Jesus, you really think well of me!'

'Yeah, like you've always been Mr. Responsible!'

'Hey, give me a break! I'm trying hard here!'

He was. She could see that he was. But Grace wasn't willing to be let down again.

'You know, I actually called them...', he said, after some minutes of silence.

'Whom?', it was her turn to frown.

'Your parents... Well, your mother actually. You see, I'm a dumb ass and it took me a while to figure out where you were... I thought you might have gone to see what's-his-name...'

'Chadrel!'

'Yeah, 'chadrel But since you weren't that specific in your note about where you were headed and I had no idea where that blasted monastery might be, I thought you might have said something to your Mother. You know, being Miss Responsible...', he couldn't help a little sting. From the corner of his eye, he saw a small smile appear in her lips, before she had time to stop it. But it disappeared in a flash. 'I was right. She was quite helpful, really, and didn't hang up the phone when I said my name. Guess I'm starting to grow on her.'

'Yeah, you'd be surprised!', Grace exclaimed. Her mother was become more tolerant about Gabriel since she'd found out about him owning a castle. But she still hated the man.

''Course I never actually told her I didn't know where you were. I merely told her I had misplaced the address... And she was kind enough to give it to me.'

Grace didn't answer and kept staring nowhere through the passenger window. After a few moments, Gabriel asked, shyly, 'Do you really hate me that much?'

The tone, more than the question surprised her. He was doing that quite a lot lately. The answer came to her lips, unwillingly. 'No, I don't.'

'Then, why have you...?'

She stopped him. 'I'm angrier at myself than at you, ok? So, let's just drop the subject!'

'I can't just drop it! You're pregnant with our son!', he exclaimed as he punched the wheel. Grace jumped in her seat. Gabriel was about to blow. Instinctively she caressed her stomach. He noticed the gesture and reached out. His hand rested on hers for a few seconds. 'I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell at you. But this is driving me crazy...'

'You should be driving us home. Just do it, ok?', Grace eyes wandered back to the outside scenery and Gabriel got the distinct impression that her eyes were welled up with tears.

Last update: October 24, 2007

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Turn of Faith

Chapter 4